Getting your
Trinity Audioplayer ready...DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a hospital where I do a lot of filing by the patients’ last names.
It is chic now to use two last names, such as “Jane Doe Smith” or “Jane Doe-Smith.” In those cases, is it filed under D or S?
People using two last names do not realize the problems they have created.
GENTLE READER: You will love visiting Spain, which has been using double surnames since the 16th century.
While Miss Manners is ready to defend the right of people to choose their own names, the filing system belongs to you (or the hospital, anyway). If you are still using paper, you can pick whatever convention you like, even if it is not technically correct — for example, you might decide that “last name” means “anything after the last space.” The patients themselves will never know.
If you are using electronic systems, all that matters is that the first person who creates the file asks the patient what to put in the “last name” field.
Next customer!
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve become lost for words greeting people I interact with on a regular basis — for example, neighbors and store employees.
After greeting them with a smile, I ask them, “How are you today?” I’m then met with a barrage of things going wrong in their lives, their financial hardships, and many details of illnesses.
I do have a healthy dose of empathy by nature; however, I’m fed up with the negativity and “woe is me” attitude. It seems to be getting worse in society as a whole.
In addition, I’m shocked how self-centered they come off, and I don’t know how to respond. I want to run. Your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: People have also become stupefyingly literal-minded, as demonstrated by how many people think that “How do you do?” (or “How you doin’?”) is an attempt to dig for personal information.
Miss Manners wonders if it is time to dispense with that as a casual greeting. In the meantime, you will have to nod politely, say, “I’m so sorry,” and change the subject.
But she will add, for those who choose not to understand the context in which this answer applies, that you would obviously not respond this way to someone close to you, or with a person expressing an immediate peril.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When having guests over for dinner, I am unable to find a gracious way to refuse alcohol to those who will be driving.
I generally don’t give it as an option when asking what they would like to drink, but they often request a glass of wine nonetheless.
It’s not that I associate with lushes and felons, but I personally would prefer not to serve any alcohol to a designated driver.
GENTLE READER: The gracious — and perfectly acceptable — way is not to serve alcohol to anyone.
Miss Manners assumes that people are asking because they see it being offered to other guests, a problem that would go away if it was nowhere in evidence. Any other solution, even one motivated by a desire to protect your guests from harm, cannot avoid also looking like an intrusion into personal autonomy and a negative judgment on character.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.