# Fuck your AI slop: 5 rules of writing cold messages > Source: > Published: 2026-08-28 19:57:06+00:00 # fuck your AI slop: 5 rules of writing cold messages that actually get sales I’ve been helping SF companies get sales and one of my customers came to me with a cold message that he wasn’t getting any good results with it. A competitor tool generated it. Can you find out what’s wrong here? If you said “everything”, you’re right. There’s so much wrong with this message and I feel bad that he’d been using it for months. as part of the 1:1 onboarding on my GTM product, I’ve been helping my customers fix their sequence and messages so they get the most value out of my new AI. Here’s a draft of what we ended up with: Like it? My AI is automatically finding them leads and testing this now. I follow some simple rules while writing cold messages. Here’s how I’d break it down: - It’s not about you at all - Write what you’d actually say - Quantify the value - Cut the fluff - Proudly ask for the sale **1. It’s not about you at all** The person you’ve messaging has probably got ten different tasks. They woke up to this random stranger’s linkedin message. They have no conception of who you are. So why would they care about what you’ve built? Minimize any statements about yourself. Focus only on talking about what you can do for them. **2. Write what you’d actually say** The simplest rule, yet one of the hardest to implement. It’s easy to weed out bad writing: Just speak out the message (to yourself or a friend.) Does it contain anything that feels weird while speaking? If so, remove it. Your writing should be a reflection of how you actually talk. In this example, since I never personally say things like “cutting cycle times” or “rip and replace” (and I hope that most humans don’t), I cut them out of the message. (I gotta thank the genius @julianweisser for teaching me this over and over till I learnt) **3. Quantify the value** Businesses care about quantifiable, measurable, outcomes. What statement feels more precise and thoughtful? “Teams using it are cutting cycle times on manual workflows” Or “Teams using it are saving 4h/employee/week” If you’re very early, you might not have a quantified number you can back up, but try to clearly state the approximate value you’ll create either in terms of new revenue generated or time saved. **4. Cut the fluff** This ties back to rule #1 and #2. A generic opener like about something they posted about recently or their job title or industry is bullshit and wastes time. so delete fluff like “saw you’re leading Operations at Brightfield Logistics”. **5. Proudly ask for the sale** Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t come up with fake pleasantries. Don’t ask random questions. Everyone knows it’s business. You’re not sending cold emails to make friends. A direct closing statement that makes them confirm the problem is vastly better than a random question. Steal this one that I like to use: Is this a problem at Brightfield? Should I send over more info? On the other hand, I’m noticing an AI-generated trend where it asks for a 15 minute call. Don’t do that either. That’s too much in the first message. Do you really think people are just sitting around wanting to call strangers for 15 minutes? Now go get that bread How are your cold messages right now? Try evaluating them against this 5 step framework and tell me what you think. Hopefully this gives you some direction & helps you stop relying on LLMs. Thank me when you see your conversion rate go up ;) P.S. I’m helping teams make their GTM money printer go brr, go sign up if you’re interested https://gigacatalyst.com/multiplier Keep accelerating, Namanyay